Why I only date younger men (it’s not just about the sex)

I feel like such a weirdo compared to my divorced female friends my age. Comparing notes on our dating app matches, the guys we are attracted to couldn’t be more different. I like ’em young. They tend to date “grandpas”.

We’re in our 50’s and what we share in common is we like men. A lot. And we love sex. A lot. And we want a relationship that doesn’t necessarily have to lead to marriage but more than a booty call or friends-with-benefits. We desire a good communicator — text me back for God’s sake! No game-playing. Show up and smell and look nice. Like my profile says, “Feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty”. Really guys, it’s not that hard.

Where my friends and I differ is that little slide where you put in the age range of the guys you’re hoping to match with. One of my friends matched with a 48 year old and she thought he was “too young”.

My age range starts at 28 and goes to 35. And I don’t think I’ve ever right-swiped anyone over 32.

I have rarely been attracted to older men. I’m just not. And thankfully, this is the era of the “cougar”, and it’s societally acceptable now for younger men to date older women. And I’ve had a trove of them. Mmmm hallelujah for younger men!!! And younger men ADORE me. I just came out of a near one-year relationship with a 27 year old. And I jumped right back into the saddle and I’m seeing a hot 22 year old musician. He’s amazing in bed. What’s more fun than straddling a guy with six-pack abs that can go all night, yet won’t come until YOU do??? Oh yeah.

Younger men are just so much fun out of bed too. They can drink like me, stay out late and go to bed at sunrise. A younger guy is always up for something fun, and because many of the guys I’ve dated are in college or just out, they don’t have kids or a responsible job yet so they’ve got time to dote on me. They usually don’t have money to spend on me but we make the most of it. When you date someone who’s used to ramen every night, wings and a pitcher of beer is a big night out for them. They’re easy to please, and they know how to make me laugh. And I make them laugh.

Young guys love hearing my stories about what life was like before cell phones. Even discussing something like 9/11. They were too young to remember much. Many love the music that I grew up with and I’m amazed at so many old souls in such young bodies. Young men today are smart, kind, respectful, and many are amazing communicators. They’re able to express their needs and desires and dreams as well as their likes and dislikes. They love that I’m smart, confident, and don’t need anything from them. I don’t want a ring on my finger or a facebook status change. I do want to be treated with respect, and I do enjoy great conversation and compliments. Respond to my texts in a timely manner. Show up on time and smell and look nice. So many of the young guys I date tell me I’m a “breath of fresh air” because I don’t want a commitment.

Young men today are politically aware and women are seen as equals. They’re environmentally aware, and they are curious about the world and want to make it a better place. I have truly come to see how today’s young men are more altrustic and want and need meaning in their life, not just a big paycheck.

I’ve come to understand how these young men approach life and it’s no wonder women in their twenties are so frustrated with them. The truth is, they really don’t know what they want yet or who they are. They’re finishing school, trying to line up a career, and figuring out what they want out of life, and many of the women they date pressure them for marriage and kids. I see how they’re really just not ready. And this is why we’re perfectly matched.

One of my divorced girlfriends summed up her older-man dating experiences; “they either want a nurse or a purse”. She said every older man she’s gone out with expected her to either pay or take care of him. Many older men are lonely and seek a mother-figure. Maybe they divorced a wife who cooked and cleaned and was basically an Edith Bunker, but she doesn’t exist anymore. Women don’t jump up from their living room chair to run into the kitchen to “fetch you a beer”. Many of the men my friends date rely on Viagra to get them through the night and I say “whatever floats your boat”. I have one friend that orders them online and has a stash in her nightstand next to her vibrator and condoms. I say “Bravo!!” to her!!

Many older men my friends date carry a lot of emotional baggage that I just don’t have to deal with. Many of my friends complain they’re divorced with suitcases full of resentment and unresolved anguish. “Griefcases”. Many are in a second marriage and have very young minor children, which for an empty-nester like me and my girlfriends, that means they aren’t going to be fully available for oh, another 14 years or more. Dating younger men? Kids have rarely been an issue. Once I think.

I say, to each his own. We all seek different attributes in the people we date. attraction truly does lie in the eye of the beholder. But the one thing we can all agree on is, we all have a need to feel special, to be adored and respected and have fun. Love? Well that’s a little harder to get. For now? I’ll get that from my cat.